Outside is where I go to breathe. In case you hadn’t noticed, I post quite a few pics of me and my wonderful outdoor lifestyle… What you may not know, is that I really struggle with my indoor life.
I do realize that it has been pretty much radio silence from this end of the relationship, my friends. That just may be a sign that things are not going that great with me, mentally, or spiritually…
I can apologize for being too busy, but the reality is that I have been struggling.
The worst part of struggling is that it makes me feel like I am failing, and I am a fraud. I am writing to you about relationships, physically and spiritually, and yet am not doing well myself.
My friend texted me this morning, and asked me if I was okay, because she hadn’t been getting my blog posts… and then, she said that no matter what, I need to write and just be real… Why do I think that my friends and family simply want to hear my “everything is awesome” spiels? Ha! Did you realize that “spiel” actually means “a lengthy, often glib talk that’s intended to persuade…”? Who am I trying to persuade that everything is awesome in my life? I digress…
I can genuinely make excuses that I am super frustrated that my home was ripped apart for renovations, but never actually renovated; that my lights were all removed from our unfinished ceiling and the weather has turned so gloomy and the sun disappears way to soon daily; but no matter what, the problem hits deeper with the fact that my eyes are dimming to focusing on what is right in front of me, instead of looking at the hope that I am supposed to live for…
I do not thrive on dim, or on lack of hope. So, I guess, what I am needing most right now is to trust. Trust that God is really the One in control. Trust that God really does love me and have the best in mind for me. Trust that God is the only One that can change hearts, and lives, and for the better. Trust that His timing is the best timing.
No Comments