The Search for Hope

And I feel a little hand pulling me…but then the little hand slips out of mine, and I am called away, and cannot seem to get back regardless of the fact that I keep looking around and trying to…. He is running towards me, I see his sweet face, and he is crying. You didn’t come and see me, Gramma! You missed it! I awaken, having tossed and turned through the night, and I am sad, and the tears come… 

And again, I must be on the search for hope.

From seeing one another multiple times weekly, having weekly family gatherings and dinners, celebrating every special occasion together, now down to maybe a few times per year, is going to make a huge impact on my life…

Allow me to mourn. Join me – you know you have felt loss, too. Why do we want to rush on and pretend everything is okay? Relationships are not fast food restaurants. They are multiple course meals eaten with family and friends. We want to spend time savouring every part of them. And we want to come back for more!

Mourning a loss of someone in our lives, whether it be one that we have known for years, or a child that has moved away, or any loss of a loved one, is healthy and necessary. Every loss needs to be mourned in our own way and time. 

How much time do we give ourselves to regularly celebrate these lives? Why not allow time to mourn the missing of these loved ones in our life?

We love each other, know everything about each other, have lived together, or simply have had our hearts opened to loving them from birth… These are heartfelt friendships, and when one is no longer here, there is an empty place in our lives.

Relationships simply are not the same when long distance. I know social media tries to make us feel that we are always in touch… But, am I not made to appreciate the real touch of someone’s hug, or the reassuring touch on my shoulder or back? Do I not melt when even the hairdresser washes and brushes my hair? Do I not pay to get massages, pedicures, manicures? The physical aspect of other humans cannot be replaced by petting my dog or cat.

No amount of others reassuring me that I can use live chat, email… will replace the arms thrown around my neck, combined with “I love you” whispered into my ear, the soft touch of a small hand on mine, the exuberant chase at the park, sitting across from a loved one for “tea” and just having the ability to reach out and touch their hand, or the satisfying hug when I have faced difficulty…

This is not simply the voice of an extrovert, because, that, I am not. This is the cry of a heart. I am human. I am made for deep relationships. I am physical as well as spiritual.

Mourning the loss of a lifestyle dream, is also necessary. Time and imaginations were spent on what life was going to be like… but now it is very different, and we feel loss. You know you’ve been here, too. Should I say, “just move on”? Should I teach my heart to harden to softness? I do not believe so…

I want to be real – with myself, with you. I want to live from the heart. I want to be there for others, as I hope the same for myself. My desire is to work on real relationships – to not be too busy to touch hearts, nor toughened and ready with, “That is life.” I am not alone in the lonely. And the more I hear of happenings in the world around me, the more I believe this. 

And hence, the search for hope, so that I may cling to it, and that I may share hope with you, my friend… The one place I know I can trust in the hope offered, is with my Father, in His Word. 

When my dream of my life falls apart, God promises that He has a new plan – better than I imagined! In what seems like a desert of my life, He is forming new life!